Australian rockers THEART kick off their U.S. tour in Las Vegas, N.V. with Faster Pussycat, and check in with Naked to let us know that, yes, they’re still alive, and yes, this shit is about to get crazy.

Jordan McDonald: Well, today started much the same as any day spent with my band in the United States of America. With a resounding question….
‘How the fuck did I get here?

I check all my vital signs, have a quick scour around for my phone, wallet and razor; then give a quick high five to the Lords of good fortune for ensuring all stones are still intact and in place. The next question is usually ‘Where am I’?

The last four weeks have been spent in Los Angeles for pre-tour press, recording, and all manner of hedonistic engagements. I either wake on top of one of my band mates in our shared room, just off Beverly and Larchmont. Or, on top of some unidentified creature in some unidentified location, and am forced to face that all too familiar question, ‘How the fuck did I get here’?

Such is the nature of the game, a game that anyone in the privileged position of playing in a touring band is more than happy to play.Today, however, is a little different. My band, The Art, have left LA, one show deep in a 42 date tour of the United States. I didn’t wake in our pad just off Beverly and Larchmont, nor did I wake on top of some unidentified creature in some unidentified location. Nup, today I woke to all the claustrophobic wonder of a top level, 6 by 2 foot tour bus tomb on wheels. Or ‘bunk’, whichever you prefer.

Thirsty, sore, confused, excited and pretty much disengaged from any semblance of what the rest of the world would consider to be ‘a normal existence’. I’m a good two foot longer than the vast expanse of my generous tomb. I’m also a real pussy when it comes to cigarette smoke. Top level was a bad idea. Turns out Faster Pussycat, headliners of the tour and bus mates, are chain smokers of the highest order. What first appeared to be the head high perch of true advantage has revealed it’s true colors as the tour bus booby prize. Not only do I enjoy undisturbed views of beer bottles and genitalia, I get to marinate in cancerous clouds of spent nicotine! If that ain’t enough for ya, should we crash, I’m most likely to die! Fuck yeh!

Question 2, ‘Where am I’? A truck stop somewhere in or around Flagstaff, AZ apparently. Headed to Albuquerque! We left Vegas around 3am last night. Abandoning our elaborate Hard Rock Hotel suites, poker tables, and ridiculously well-endowed suitors to celebrate the first show of the tour in style. On the bus! Yarns flowed as freely as the booze and all had a marvelous time. The Faster guys are far more experienced in the field of hardcore touring, so we sucked in their insights, relished in their tales and couldn’t help but smile in the knowledge that we, as a band, are about to make a sack of outlandish memories all our own.

Updates to come, and I promise they won’t be as long winded as this virgin effort. To conclude, a new question has come to mind, ‘Are we there yet? I’m thirsty and need to hang a shit!’


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Written by Catherine Powell